One Day At A Time

I'm sure you've heard the phrase, " A picture is worth a thousand words". This phrase comes to mind  when I look at a photo of myself from October of 2018. The photo was taken during Halloween and I had dressed as a gypsy. No offense to anyone who has a "gypsy" heritage/ancestry. Since I was young I have been fascinated by old movies featuring the typical gypsy fortune teller. And I have loved this image with all of its magic and mystique ever since. So I was so excited to dress up and hand out candy. I took a photo of my garb in all its glory. Then upon seeing this image I was instantly saddened at what appeared before my eyes. Look at this fat lady. My goodness how did I become so wide? I was horrified at my now scary costume. I have struggled on and off with weight gain since high school. I started putting on pounds in 7th grade. You can see that my face was becoming fuller in the school photos. I was a solid size 16 in ninth grade. I lost some weig...

If you haven't heard of the Keto Diet you may be living under a rock. Keto is the newest craze that dieters across the US are flocking to. You will see Keto products on the shelves in the diet/nutrition section of your supermarket, as well as TV commercials for Keto weight loss shakes, meals, etc. It's not surprising that the Keto craze began, because the first things you hear about this diet are that you can eat all of the bacon, butter, and cheese you want. No calorie counting just eat bacon and fat and your clothes will fall off. So you are intrigued by this mouth watering offer and you start researching Keto. There are many websites, books, social media groups, and videos available at your finger tips. Many people share their before and after photos, which make your jaw drop. You can do this to if you just throw that bagel in the garbage and pick up that buttered bacon. So of course this seems like the solution to my weight problem. I simply love to eat. And now I hea...

If you are triggered by talk of depression please don't read any further. Take care of yourself. This post is a personal reflection of how someone without depression sees this illness and expresses personal opinions of such. I never really understood what depression was or what it looked like. Though to my surprise I had seen it before in my mother, it is still a mystery to me.  Sure I have had deep feelings of sadness over a loss of a loved one, a beloved pet, a friendship that unraveled, or a personal failure of some type. But I always shed my tears, took a nap, gorged on carbs and sugar and moved forward. But when someone close to you experiences depression you realize it is more than a deep sadness. It's this gnawing monster that lives inside of a person and they have to battle this beast daily. Some days are better than others, but I know when the monster is strong, those days are the worst. And this is looking on from the outside. I see the struggle to be strong. I ...

I remember this little book my mom kept that recorded my school memories, photos, and it had a space for writing in what I wanted to be that year. Each year this changed. One year I wanted to be a ballerina, a cowgirl, a firefighter etc. When I was in about fourth grade I made plans with my friend Elizabeth that we would both marry and live in one big house and rasie our families together. By middle school I didn't think much about my future, as I was being bullied terribly by a girl named Erica. She made my daily life at school a misery. Once we moved Erica was long gone and I made new friendships. By this time I was in 7th grade and all I could think of was dating and high school. High school arrived and I started to dream of writing comic books in New York or working in animation for Walt Disney. I started dreaming again. This is the beauty of youth, you dream, you aspire to become something. By seventeen I entered the military after being uncertain about choosing a major in...

This blog has been a variety of things since its creation. It started out as research for a job. Then became a personal journal. But I always enjoy using it to express myself and let out my opinion or emotions out and onto the virtual page. It has been too long since I used this outlet for my self, so here goes nothing. I have recently discovered that I am wandering through my life without a compass, map, or guide. I have spent the last 20 years of my life just wandering. I have had no real sense of purpose or direction and this never bothered me until now. It's like I woke up from a dream and was like where am I? I am approaching 40 years of age. I currently am a housewife and trying to accept the fact that my daughter is rapidly approaching adulthood. My husband is driven daily by his side business and my daughter is dreaming of traveling abroad in the near future. I personally feel lost. should I go back to work outside the home? I really have no desire to go back to school o...

If I knew what motherhood, marriage, and working for living was really like as a teen I would have been dragging my feet on the path to adulthood. But no matter what you know or don't, life simply happens. You get a job, you fall in love and get married. You are blessed with a child or children. What was once your life to live becomes a life lived for those you love. You wake up for night feedings, clean up spilled juice, and become a taxi driver. You try to squeeze in date nights, yoga class, and all those appointments. At the end of the day you're tired. And sometimes you wake up feeling tired. There seems to be little to no time for yourself anymore. Does this sound familiar? When I was 19 I took every Thursday to pamper myself. It was my personal spa day. I would give myself a mini facial. I washed my face, exfoliated, and used a face mask of some sort. And after wards I always felt like a million bucks. Something so simple made me feel great every time. But after I g...

I am deeply saddened that so many people are unhappy in their lives in part due to other peoples opinions. People take the hurtful comments of others to heart and these words and feelings lead to a great deal of emotional torment. It is a terrible way to live your life. It has taken me several years to understand that what others say about me has no impact on how I see myself, unless in fact I see myself the way they do. When I was a pre-teen and into my late teens I was teased what is now called bullying about how poor I was, with one girl asking me if I pulled my new sneakers out of a trash can. I was teased about facial hair, with boys saying I grew a better mustache than them. I was teased over my dental fluorosis with a girl asking me if I had ever brushed my teeth, and later taunted by boys, with one asking me out and saying as if I would ever date you. Meaness for sure. Years later as I grow nearer to age forty I look back and think, oh how mean. But I have learned t...

To all the feminists I will likely offend with my opinions in this post, I am sorry. Let me start by saying I am proud that women have stood up and fought for the rights that we are privelaged to today. As a woman I am thankful that I can work and earn an income for my family. I am proud to be able to vote, to drive, and to let my voice be heard. However, I really don't like the whole women are equal to men thing. When you start looking at the definition of equal it leads to the word same, which we all know women and men are clearly not the same. Aside from our physical differences their is scientific proof that our brains work differently. We each have our own areas of strength and weakness, and I accept that. I am proud to be a woman and would not want to be a man, even if I had the chance. I have been married for sixteen years and have seen how myself and my husband handle a variety of life issues in our own ways. From solving money issues to raising our daughter, our opini...

My last post was created when my daughter was in a relationship and she had that strong hope that "he" was the one. I'll admit I even liked the kid. He seemed kind and level headed. He told me how much he cared for her and then suddenly he booked. He just ended their relationship and it was done like a puff of smoke. Needless to say my girl was heart broken. This young man said all the right words. Those powerful words that a young woman wants to hear. I love you and forever. How do you help to heal someones broken heart? I have told her she is young and has many years to find the one. But I also understand what it is like to be a teenage girl. You have these romantic thoughts about finding your soul mate. I never dated that much as a teen. I was overweight, had an imperfect smile, and came from a home where money was scarce. I was far from popular and had my fair share of teasing. I had plenty of crushes which I didn't tell anyone. I never approached any of them....

I remember when I was sixteen and I thought that my long time crush would be "the one". I dreamed of what at the time I thought marriage was.All romance and fun. He wasn't the one, but my forever partner wasn't far down the road. At ninteen I was married, followed by pregnancy, and a beautiful baby girl. My husband and I will have been married for sixteen years in May. How time flys. We have been through financial strain, the passing of loved ones, illnesses, a car accident, and other miscellaneous ups and downs. There have been a fair share of tears, both happy and sad. Arguments and plenty of kiss and make-up moments. Marriage isn't quite what I thought it was at sixteen. It's much more. You don't just float through life on a cloud of love. It takes commitment and effort.  Now my daughter has a special guy in her life and she is dreaming of her big day. She shares wedding dress images, cake designs, and a growing guest list for this future event. I ...

I recently started watching a YouTuber by the name of Loey Lane. I was instantly inspired by her self-confidence, positivity, and take on life as a plus size woman. I enjoy her apparel combinations and make-up tutorials as well. As I watched more of her videos I came to know that she is a military spouse and living in a place I know too well, Kansas. Fort Riley, Kansas is where I was stationed when I met my husband. We had our first apartment in Manhattan, Kansas. I was nineteen when we met and married. Loey stirred all of these fond memories of that time. I have fond memories of being a soldier. I liked my job, was comfortable with my routine, enjoyed my peers, and grew to who I am today because of those experiences. I left service shortly before our daughter was born on base. Who knew a few years later we would return here, but I would be coming back as a military spouse instead of the one in combat boots. It's a whole other world on this side of the fence. As a soldier you d...

As a woman I have been taught about the struggles women have over come to be able to have the same rights as their male counterparts. I am proud of those women who fought to acheive this. However, I am saddened that today a woman that does not work outside of the home and chooses to to do so is seen in a negative light. Motherhood and wifehood was once seen as a profession. Now it is seen as the easy life or that housewives are lazy. This to me is crazy. I have worked outside of the home, I have been self-employed working from home, and I am now a "housewife". Each has its benefits and challenges, but none of these options is for a lazy woman. When you work outside of the home you have to pay for childcare. You are often tired and opt for quick fix dinners, and feel that you don't have the energy you wish you had to spend with your spouse and children. When you work from home you have to balance childcare while working, which is one heck of a balancing act. Being a ...

I first would like to say to the lovely folks who read my blog, I am so sorry that I have not written in so long. My life began to be filled with challenges that I could never have expected. It would have been nice if I could have opened up my book on life and read ahead to mentally prepare for these challenges, but instead they hit me like a ton of bricks. I was concerned for my own health at the time, which turns out to be okay. Polyps, not cancer, so thankful for that. I learned that sadness is often more than sadness. I discovered what depression is. I have also learned how it can be managed for a happier, healthier life. I have felt fear and hopelessness within my family and found that even when you feel that there is no hope in a situation, that you can come out stronger and more resilient on the other side. In 2015 I feel that I am more true to myself and those around me more than ever before. I don't try to be anything I am not, and I am okay if being myself is not ever...

                                   The Scale is Evil Last year from January 2nd through August I rocked my workouts and my eating habits were under control. For the first time I actually thought I'd be under 200 lbs, which has not happened in about ten years. Oh but my birthday arrived, then the hubbs, then Turkey day, and Christmas. How the pounds did not creep on but jumped back on with eagerness. I stepped on the scale and my face instantly crumpled into a look of disgust. It's not like it was areal surprise, but I could not believe how all of my hard work was gone down the toilet in a matter of months.  So I started my self torture last Monday. It's only day four and I have been a miserable grump. I have argued with the hubbs two days in a row over nothing. I think about food before I go to bed, at 3 am, and as soon as the alarm goes off. I measure the food, I eat the proper por...

                                   The Terrible Teens As a first time parent there is so much to learn and experience. From diaper changing and feedings to walking and potty training, you learn as you go. And as many of you know seasoned parents are all too eager to inform you of the best way to do this or just wait until this happens. You are warned about the terrible two's, which make you realize they were really talking about the terrible three's with tantrums and the stubborn streak toddlers discover at this time. But you are rarely warned about the terrible teens.  As my teen would say OMG! You look back at when you were a teen yourself and go I get it I was your age once, and your son or daughter looks at you like your I.Q. just dropped. Though so many things remain similar to each generation, there are certainly a lot of differences as well. But it is the similarities and s...

It's so strange how memories work and how a sight, smell, or sound can bring them back to life. I remember hearing my parents talk and recall fashion, music, friends, and other events from their past. They would almost glaze over with a smile as if they were transported to this magical happy place for just a moment in time. As I approach the fabulous age of thirty-five I now find myself getting that starry eyed look and Cheshire grin when a memory strikes.  It hadn't happened until I was frolicking through Pinterest (this is not only an addiction, but a guilty pleasure) and I came across 80's toys. I saw popples, strawberry shortcake, my little pony, Jem and the Holograms, Voltron, pound puppies, seawees and more. I just about had an out of body experience. The joy of childhood was glorious. I could remember playing with my sister in the bathtub with little plastic mermaids and rolling up the popples and tossing them around at bedtime. Oh and don't forget it ha...

It can be a co-worker, a friend, a relative, or stranger that is unaware of how powerful the words they release are and the damage they can cause. I remember far to well the hurtful words of bullies in middle school. The remarks from boys in high school, and even the gossip of aquaintances in my adulthood. Whatever happened to thinking before you speak or if you can't say anthing nice don't say anything at all. As much as snide remarks and hateful teasing can hurt the pain that is the most intense is the powerful words spoken to you by a loved one. A parent, spouse, or other person that is closer to you than most can cause deeply felt damage with misguided words. I am not saying that he or she uses their words as a weapon on purpose, though there are some that certainly do. Perhaps he or she speaks this way due to personal pain from experiences in his or her life, though this does not make it right. It is possible that he or she simply is unaware of how their words have been sp...

Last week I was feeling majorly stressed out. There was stuff going on with friends, family, work, self, and it was all piling up. I spent a nightmare-induced evening that led to a painful cold sore the next morning. I realized I have to start letting things go and start working on stress reduction. You do not really know either how dangerous or damaging stress is until it directly affects your health or you educate yourself on the risks of unmanaged stress. Who knew stress could lead to advanced aging and disease? Why are we stressed out? How can you both prevent and treat stress without a prescribed pill? These questions have me searching for answers. I watched a documentary on stress that showed how baboons that live a stressful life die earlier than those with less stress do. Research shows that humans affected by stress suffer from heart disease, hypertension, anxiety, digestive disorders, and the list goes on. As I learn more about stress and how to fight it naturally, I wan...

Not many people know what Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is. PTSD is a mental health problem that can occur after you have been through a traumatic event. Assault (rape), a traumatic accident, combat, and other traumatic events can cause a person to experience nightmares about the event, lead a person to avoid situations or stimuli that remind them of the event, create a guard or watchful sense. It can also cause a person to experience a numb or detached feeling.If left undiagnosed or untreated PTSD can lead to depression, substance abuse, and suicide. Early treatment can make a big difference. Therapy and medication can help a PTSD sufferer cope with their symptoms and enjoy better mental health and a happier life. Those of us who deal with PTSD in our lives know that PTSD is not instantly cured or fixed. You learn what it is and adjust to life accordingly. June 27, 2012 is National PTSD Awareness Month. I urge everyone to visit http://www.ptsd.va.gov/ or http://www.ptsdinfo.org...

Our family has moved quite a bit over the years. Military moves and around town moves. Moves to be with family. We are looking to move one last time. House hunting is a mixture of excitement and frustration. I have been told by my wonderful husband that I am by far too picky, but a house is more than a structure to store your things and provide shelter. A house becomes your home. It is the place where you feel safe and comforted. It is the place where family memories are made. My family and I looked at a sweet little house that has been through the mill. The carpets look like used napkins and the interior doors have been used for soccer practice. I stopped to think what if this little house is looking for a new owner. Someone to love it and care for it as it deserves. Someone to patch up its boo-boos and breath fresh life into it. This thought makes me a little sad. If a house could talk what would it say? My previous owners took me for granted. They did little to notice I was even ...