The Terrible Teens
As a first time parent there is so much to learn and experience. From diaper changing and feedings to walking and potty training, you learn as you go. And as many of you know seasoned parents are all too eager to inform you of the best way to do this or just wait until this happens. You are warned about the terrible two's, which make you realize they were really talking about the terrible three's with tantrums and the stubborn streak toddlers discover at this time. But you are rarely warned about the terrible teens.
As my teen would say OMG! You look back at when you were a teen yourself and go I get it I was your age once, and your son or daughter looks at you like your I.Q. just dropped. Though so many things remain similar to each generation, there are certainly a lot of differences as well. But it is the similarities and shared feelings and experiences that you try to share with your teen to help them through this difficult transition period. I remember my own feelings of teen depression, low self esteem, bullying, and the dare I say lack of boyfriend as I was over weight and unpopular. I have tried to connect with my daughter by sharing these experiences, but she is quick to tell me that I don't understand or that her experience is much more severe.
This of course can be difficult as the parent. You don't get to see what their day is like at school. How they interact with their peers or what it is really like to be a teen in this day and age. This of course causes a gap and a feeling of distance that makes it difficult to know how to be a helpful parent.The closer they get to adulthood the more independent they want to be. As they no longer share the details of their life with you and prepare to leave the nest, I am learning that you can't beat yourself up. You do your best to prepare them for the world. You try to build them up with love and support. And you prepare yourself to let go. By no means is this easy rather you have a respectful, affectionate child or a teen that is as rebellious as a wild stallion or as vocal as a campaigning politician. Its just another thing you learn as you go.
As my daughter expresses her desires and eagerness to go out into the world alone, I do my best to get her to think before she leaps. Though I am pretty sure she will leap before thinking many times in her life I hope the one thing she knows deep in her heart, is that when she doesn't land as softly as we both would like that I am here for her with loving and open arms. Life is a journey that takes many twists and turns. I think of it as these books I read as a child where you read so far into the book and you had to make a choice. If you choose A go to page 35 and the story ends happily. You could also choose B and go to page 98 for an alternate ending, which of course was not always as pleasing. The choices will be hers to make and the outcome will rest on her shoulders. I simply hope she makes the choices that lead to her happiness, because that's all we really want for our children.
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