Skip to main content

Reflection: How You See Yourself









I am deeply saddened that so many people are unhappy in their lives in part due to other peoples opinions. People take the hurtful comments of others to heart and these words and feelings lead to a great deal of emotional torment. It is a terrible way to live your life. It has taken me several years to understand that what others say about me has no impact on how I see myself, unless in fact I see myself the way they do. When I was a pre-teen and into my late teens I was teased what is now called bullying about how poor I was, with one girl asking me if I pulled my new sneakers out of a trash can. I was teased about facial hair, with boys saying I grew a better mustache than them. I was teased over my dental fluorosis with a girl asking me if I had ever brushed my teeth, and later taunted by boys, with one asking me out and saying as if I would ever date you. Meaness for sure.

Years later as I grow nearer to age forty I look back and think, oh how mean. But I have learned that it  honestly doesn't matter what others think of you, but what you think of yourself. I tell my daughter this repeatedly. If someone says something to you that you don't like, ask yourself two questions.  Is it true and should I change it? If someone says something to you and you know it's not true this is not your problem it's the other pesons. If someone says you are stupid, fat, ugly, bitchy, slutty, etc. ask yourself is it true?

Yes these are opinions from a person that is likely unhappy in their own lives and using cruelty as an outlet for their own emotional pain, you should still think about what they have said. If you find yourself saying yes I am this thing they say about me, then you ask yourself should I change it. If I feel ugly I can watch a makeup video on YouTube, purchase some cheap makeup and make myself feel prettier and more confident. If someone says I'm stupid, I can go to the library get some books and educate myself. If  someone says I am fat/overweight then I can start making better eating choices and move my body. If someone says I am bitchy or slutty I don't get offended. Perhaps I could be kinder with my words or slow down with my intimate choices.  The key is not to do any of these things for anyone but yourself. This goes for both sexes. Guys and girls deal with these same issues.  Embrace yourself. Love yourself.

Now as an adult I find myself more confident, not because I have changed that much, but because I have changed the way I hear what others say. I have to wax my upper lip. I have crooked teeth with mild fluoride staining. I am overweight. And now I am getting grey hairs and wrinkles around my eyes. These are the facts about me. I know them as a reality. I can see it for myself in the mirror. So when someone says your fat, you have a mustache, or some other fact I don't get upset about it because it's true. The things I don't like about myself I work to change. I exercise daily and try to eat healthy. I use a facial hair remover, and a whitening toothpaste. My sister told me I should never change my smile because it's uniquely me. So I even embrace my crooked grin.

I know that when you are young you simply want to be like your peers and to fit in and be welcomed. But no ones comments should make you feel hate towards yourself or to consider ending your life. Life is precious. It is always changing. You don't remain an awkward teen forever. And you can always change something you don't like or even learn to love it. I hope sharing my own issues with myself can help someone else who is maybe feeling the way I did at age 14 through 17. Never stop loving yourself. You are worth every breath, every sunrise. Don't let someone convince you other wise.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Never Any Me Time

If I knew what motherhood, marriage, and working for living was really like as a teen I would have been dragging my feet on the path to adulthood. But no matter what you know or don't, life simply happens. You get a job, you fall in love and get married. You are blessed with a child or children. What was once your life to live becomes a life lived for those you love. You wake up for night feedings, clean up spilled juice, and become a taxi driver. You try to squeeze in date nights, yoga class, and all those appointments. At the end of the day you're tired. And sometimes you wake up feeling tired. There seems to be little to no time for yourself anymore. Does this sound familiar? When I was 19 I took every Thursday to pamper myself. It was my personal spa day. I would give myself a mini facial. I washed my face, exfoliated, and used a face mask of some sort. And after wards I always felt like a million bucks. Something so simple made me feel great every time. But after I g...
Post a Comment
Read more

Self Searching: What Am I Doing with My Life

I remember this little book my mom kept that recorded my school memories, photos, and it had a space for writing in what I wanted to be that year. Each year this changed. One year I wanted to be a ballerina, a cowgirl, a firefighter etc. When I was in about fourth grade I made plans with my friend Elizabeth that we would both marry and live in one big house and rasie our families together. By middle school I didn't think much about my future, as I was being bullied terribly by a girl named Erica. She made my daily life at school a misery. Once we moved Erica was long gone and I made new friendships. By this time I was in 7th grade and all I could think of was dating and high school. High school arrived and I started to dream of writing comic books in New York or working in animation for Walt Disney. I started dreaming again. This is the beauty of youth, you dream, you aspire to become something. By seventeen I entered the military after being uncertain about choosing a major in...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Sinking Ship of Depression

If you are triggered by talk of depression please don't read any further. Take care of yourself. This post is a personal reflection of how someone without depression sees this illness and expresses personal opinions of such. I never really understood what depression was or what it looked like. Though to my surprise I had seen it before in my mother, it is still a mystery to me.  Sure I have had deep feelings of sadness over a loss of a loved one, a beloved pet, a friendship that unraveled, or a personal failure of some type. But I always shed my tears, took a nap, gorged on carbs and sugar and moved forward. But when someone close to you experiences depression you realize it is more than a deep sadness. It's this gnawing monster that lives inside of a person and they have to battle this beast daily. Some days are better than others, but I know when the monster is strong, those days are the worst. And this is looking on from the outside. I see the struggle to be strong. I ...
Post a Comment
Read more