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Reflection: How You See Yourself









I am deeply saddened that so many people are unhappy in their lives in part due to other peoples opinions. People take the hurtful comments of others to heart and these words and feelings lead to a great deal of emotional torment. It is a terrible way to live your life. It has taken me several years to understand that what others say about me has no impact on how I see myself, unless in fact I see myself the way they do. When I was a pre-teen and into my late teens I was teased what is now called bullying about how poor I was, with one girl asking me if I pulled my new sneakers out of a trash can. I was teased about facial hair, with boys saying I grew a better mustache than them. I was teased over my dental fluorosis with a girl asking me if I had ever brushed my teeth, and later taunted by boys, with one asking me out and saying as if I would ever date you. Meaness for sure.

Years later as I grow nearer to age forty I look back and think, oh how mean. But I have learned that it  honestly doesn't matter what others think of you, but what you think of yourself. I tell my daughter this repeatedly. If someone says something to you that you don't like, ask yourself two questions.  Is it true and should I change it? If someone says something to you and you know it's not true this is not your problem it's the other pesons. If someone says you are stupid, fat, ugly, bitchy, slutty, etc. ask yourself is it true?

Yes these are opinions from a person that is likely unhappy in their own lives and using cruelty as an outlet for their own emotional pain, you should still think about what they have said. If you find yourself saying yes I am this thing they say about me, then you ask yourself should I change it. If I feel ugly I can watch a makeup video on YouTube, purchase some cheap makeup and make myself feel prettier and more confident. If someone says I'm stupid, I can go to the library get some books and educate myself. If  someone says I am fat/overweight then I can start making better eating choices and move my body. If someone says I am bitchy or slutty I don't get offended. Perhaps I could be kinder with my words or slow down with my intimate choices.  The key is not to do any of these things for anyone but yourself. This goes for both sexes. Guys and girls deal with these same issues.  Embrace yourself. Love yourself.

Now as an adult I find myself more confident, not because I have changed that much, but because I have changed the way I hear what others say. I have to wax my upper lip. I have crooked teeth with mild fluoride staining. I am overweight. And now I am getting grey hairs and wrinkles around my eyes. These are the facts about me. I know them as a reality. I can see it for myself in the mirror. So when someone says your fat, you have a mustache, or some other fact I don't get upset about it because it's true. The things I don't like about myself I work to change. I exercise daily and try to eat healthy. I use a facial hair remover, and a whitening toothpaste. My sister told me I should never change my smile because it's uniquely me. So I even embrace my crooked grin.

I know that when you are young you simply want to be like your peers and to fit in and be welcomed. But no ones comments should make you feel hate towards yourself or to consider ending your life. Life is precious. It is always changing. You don't remain an awkward teen forever. And you can always change something you don't like or even learn to love it. I hope sharing my own issues with myself can help someone else who is maybe feeling the way I did at age 14 through 17. Never stop loving yourself. You are worth every breath, every sunrise. Don't let someone convince you other wise.

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