This blog has been a variety of things since its creation. It started out as research for a job. Then became a personal journal. But I always enjoy using it to express myself and let out my opinion or emotions out and onto the
virtual page. It has been too long since I used this outlet for my self, so here goes nothing. I have recently discovered that I am wandering through my life without a compass, map, or guide. I have spent the last 20 years of my life just wandering. I have had no real sense of purpose or direction and this never bothered me until now. It's like I woke up from a dream and was like where am I? I am approaching 40 years of age. I currently am a housewife and trying to accept the fact that my daughter is rapidly approaching adulthood. My husband is driven daily by his side business and my daughter is dreaming of traveling abroad in the near future. I personally feel lost. should I go back to work outside the home? I really have no desire to go back to school or get a degree. I have no desire to travel or see the sites. I have no hobbies, book groups, religious affiliations,etc. I am lost.
When my daughter was in grade school I read a magazine article on how women lost their identity when their children left home. I thought oh how sad. At that time I worked, went to church, ran a girl scout troop, and volunteered for just about anything that popped up. I was busy and content. I couldn't see myself as the "who am I mom", but now I think oh know have I become the "who am I mom". Seems like it. And it's easy enough to say oh get a hobby, join a group, get yourself out there, but I don't want to. I really want to slip back into my cozy days as the busy bee mom, when my schedule was full and my life seemed complete.
So how does one transition from the 24/7 position of mom to whatever comes next? I feel a trip to the library coming on or Google searches, because I don't have answers. I feel like I need a life GPS to guide me to my next leg of this journey. I feel like everyone has an idea of what they want to do in this life and I am just sitting on a rock drawing in the dirt with a stick. Like what now? I also find myself terribly weepy. And I have always felt like a strong woman, able to take what life throws at me, but now I just want to curl up and shed a few tears. and I'm not even sure why. Sure I miss my parents (R.I.P.) and my baby sister is too many miles away. I have the basic stressors that everyone deals with, so why am I turning into a sobbing mess? Hormones? Pre-menopause? Oh boy.
Whatever this is that I am experiencing I am certain there are dozens of other women who have and are experiencing something like this. Perhaps it's a cross roads and I should see this as a new opportunity. Though I will admit to being a pessimist folks. So until I get a handle on this thing called life I will just grasp tissues in one hand and a self help book in the other until I know which way to go forward. Good luck to my fellow wanderers. Perhaps we'll bump into one another along the way.
When my daughter was in grade school I read a magazine article on how women lost their identity when their children left home. I thought oh how sad. At that time I worked, went to church, ran a girl scout troop, and volunteered for just about anything that popped up. I was busy and content. I couldn't see myself as the "who am I mom", but now I think oh know have I become the "who am I mom". Seems like it. And it's easy enough to say oh get a hobby, join a group, get yourself out there, but I don't want to. I really want to slip back into my cozy days as the busy bee mom, when my schedule was full and my life seemed complete.
So how does one transition from the 24/7 position of mom to whatever comes next? I feel a trip to the library coming on or Google searches, because I don't have answers. I feel like I need a life GPS to guide me to my next leg of this journey. I feel like everyone has an idea of what they want to do in this life and I am just sitting on a rock drawing in the dirt with a stick. Like what now? I also find myself terribly weepy. And I have always felt like a strong woman, able to take what life throws at me, but now I just want to curl up and shed a few tears. and I'm not even sure why. Sure I miss my parents (R.I.P.) and my baby sister is too many miles away. I have the basic stressors that everyone deals with, so why am I turning into a sobbing mess? Hormones? Pre-menopause? Oh boy.
Whatever this is that I am experiencing I am certain there are dozens of other women who have and are experiencing something like this. Perhaps it's a cross roads and I should see this as a new opportunity. Though I will admit to being a pessimist folks. So until I get a handle on this thing called life I will just grasp tissues in one hand and a self help book in the other until I know which way to go forward. Good luck to my fellow wanderers. Perhaps we'll bump into one another along the way.
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