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A Picture is Worth A Thousand Words

I'm sure you've heard the phrase, " A picture is worth a thousand words". This phrase comes to mind  when I look at a photo of myself from October of 2018. The photo was taken during Halloween and I had dressed as a gypsy. No offense to anyone who has a "gypsy" heritage/ancestry. Since I was young I have been fascinated by old movies featuring the typical gypsy fortune teller. And I have loved this image with all of its magic and mystique ever since. So I was so excited to dress up and hand out candy. I took a photo of my garb in all its glory. Then upon seeing this image I was instantly saddened at what appeared before my eyes. Look at this fat lady. My goodness how did I become so wide? I was horrified at my now scary costume. I have struggled on and off with weight gain since high school. I started putting on pounds in 7th grade. You can see that my face was becoming fuller in the school photos. I was a solid size 16 in ninth grade. I lost some weig
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Bacon Makes Your Clothes Fall Off

If you haven't heard of the Keto Diet you may be living under a rock. Keto is the newest craze that dieters across the US are flocking to. You will see Keto products on the shelves in the diet/nutrition section of your supermarket, as well as TV commercials for Keto weight loss shakes, meals, etc. It's not surprising that the Keto craze began, because the first things you hear about this diet are that you can eat all of the bacon, butter, and cheese you want. No calorie counting just eat bacon and fat and your clothes will fall off. So you are intrigued by this mouth watering offer and you start researching Keto. There are many websites, books, social media groups, and videos available at your finger tips. Many people share their before and after photos, which make your jaw drop. You can do this to if you just throw that bagel in the garbage and pick up that buttered bacon. So of course this seems like the solution to my weight problem. I simply love to eat. And now I hea

The Sinking Ship of Depression

If you are triggered by talk of depression please don't read any further. Take care of yourself. This post is a personal reflection of how someone without depression sees this illness and expresses personal opinions of such. I never really understood what depression was or what it looked like. Though to my surprise I had seen it before in my mother, it is still a mystery to me.  Sure I have had deep feelings of sadness over a loss of a loved one, a beloved pet, a friendship that unraveled, or a personal failure of some type. But I always shed my tears, took a nap, gorged on carbs and sugar and moved forward. But when someone close to you experiences depression you realize it is more than a deep sadness. It's this gnawing monster that lives inside of a person and they have to battle this beast daily. Some days are better than others, but I know when the monster is strong, those days are the worst. And this is looking on from the outside. I see the struggle to be strong. I

Self Searching: What Am I Doing with My Life

I remember this little book my mom kept that recorded my school memories, photos, and it had a space for writing in what I wanted to be that year. Each year this changed. One year I wanted to be a ballerina, a cowgirl, a firefighter etc. When I was in about fourth grade I made plans with my friend Elizabeth that we would both marry and live in one big house and rasie our families together. By middle school I didn't think much about my future, as I was being bullied terribly by a girl named Erica. She made my daily life at school a misery. Once we moved Erica was long gone and I made new friendships. By this time I was in 7th grade and all I could think of was dating and high school. High school arrived and I started to dream of writing comic books in New York or working in animation for Walt Disney. I started dreaming again. This is the beauty of youth, you dream, you aspire to become something. By seventeen I entered the military after being uncertain about choosing a major in

Life's Cross Roads

This blog has been a variety of things since its creation. It started out as research for a job. Then became a personal journal. But I always enjoy using it to express myself and let out my opinion or emotions out and onto the virtual page. It has been too long since I used this outlet for my self, so here goes nothing. I have recently discovered that I am wandering through my life without a compass, map, or guide. I have spent the last 20 years of my life just wandering. I have had no real sense of purpose or direction and this never bothered me until now. It's like I woke up from a dream and was like where am I? I am approaching 40 years of age. I currently am a housewife and trying to accept the fact that my daughter is rapidly approaching adulthood. My husband is driven daily by his side business and my daughter is dreaming of traveling abroad in the near future. I personally feel lost. should I go back to work outside the home? I really have no desire to go back to school o

Never Any Me Time

If I knew what motherhood, marriage, and working for living was really like as a teen I would have been dragging my feet on the path to adulthood. But no matter what you know or don't, life simply happens. You get a job, you fall in love and get married. You are blessed with a child or children. What was once your life to live becomes a life lived for those you love. You wake up for night feedings, clean up spilled juice, and become a taxi driver. You try to squeeze in date nights, yoga class, and all those appointments. At the end of the day you're tired. And sometimes you wake up feeling tired. There seems to be little to no time for yourself anymore. Does this sound familiar? When I was 19 I took every Thursday to pamper myself. It was my personal spa day. I would give myself a mini facial. I washed my face, exfoliated, and used a face mask of some sort. And after wards I always felt like a million bucks. Something so simple made me feel great every time. But after I g

Reflection: How You See Yourself

I am deeply saddened that so many people are unhappy in their lives in part due to other peoples opinions. People take the hurtful comments of others to heart and these words and feelings lead to a great deal of emotional torment. It is a terrible way to live your life. It has taken me several years to understand that what others say about me has no impact on how I see myself, unless in fact I see myself the way they do. When I was a pre-teen and into my late teens I was teased what is now called bullying about how poor I was, with one girl asking me if I pulled my new sneakers out of a trash can. I was teased about facial hair, with boys saying I grew a better mustache than them. I was teased over my dental fluorosis with a girl asking me if I had ever brushed my teeth, and later taunted by boys, with one asking me out and saying as if I would ever date you. Meaness for sure. Years later as I grow nearer to age forty I look back and think, oh how mean. But I have learned t