Cancer Wins The War

I have not posted anything for quite some time. I have put this off, but now think I should just get this out and over with. It was Friday Nov. 19, 2010. My husband, mom and myself were learning just how terrible we were at Trivial Pursuit. We laughed and poked fun at each other. We made plans to go hiking the next day. Sat. 20 mom slept in, it was nearing noon. I knocked on her door, checked in on her. She said she was terribly tired and she was going to stay home and try to catch up on her rest. I didn't think about it too much as she had been battling insomnia for so long. When we returned from the hike mom was still in bed. Abnormally tired I thought. Sunday 21 it got weird, fast! mom was behaving as if she had a stroke. She could not concentrate, she could not tell me if she took any meds or the last time she took them. She was staggering and behaving very oddly. She was sitting outside to smoke, but could not focus to light the cigarette. I called Hospice in a panic and her nurse came by. Mom pulled it together for the nurse visit. The nurse though mom was just fine. Later that evening I took mom some dinner and she ate rather well. She went out to smoke before bed and she had put her shoes on the wrong feet. I asked her if she realized she did it and she said yes and laughed it off. I told her I loved her and hugged her before bed. She said I know you love me, don't worry. I told her not to fall asleep with her light on and she said i won't. Good night. I watched in the hall for thirty minutes the light was still on. I knocked softly and she did not stir. I went in and she was asleep on the bed. I did not disturb her I simply turned out the light. The next morning Mon. 22 she had not moved all night. She was in the exact position as when I turned out her light. I tried to wake her and she did not stir. I spoke loudly, shook her shoulders gently, nothing. She was breathing but in a coma like state. I dressed her then called Hospice. The nurse came and told me that it was likely the Cancer had spread to her brain and that we didn't have much time. That day was a nightmare. I had to go from my mom being able to clearly think, speak and care for herself to complete bed ridden care over night. We installed bed rails and baby monitors, I administered her meds. I was exhausted and barely slept. Tues. 23rd I came in to give her her meds and a tear streamed down her cheek. I said it's okay mom, everything is okay and she breathed her last breath as I held her hand. That was it, mom fought Cancer, but Cancer won. My sister came down from illinois we had mom cremated as she had wanted. We ate Thanksgiving foods together but did not feel very thankful. Christmas was hard as mom and I had made so many plans to see lights and shop and cook. Her birthday was Jan. 2nd. It passed sadly un-celebrated. Mom moved in with us Feb. 8th. We were so close to celebrating a year together with her. I am still baffled at how you go from playing a board game on Friday to her passing on Tuesday. I am still grieving for her and I am learning how to move forward slowly. There were times when she would drive me crazy, but now I miss the annoying habits. To those who have a loved one diagnosed with terminal Cancer, enjoy each day for good or for bad. Once that person is gone every moment with them matters more deeply than you will ever truly know. May we one day see a cure to this disease that takes both the young and old. God bless and be with those who have Cancer. Don't give up the fight!!