We are about five months in to mom's diagnosis of terminal cancer. Hospice visits weekly and mom's pain is finally beginning to be controlled. She is also on a steroid now which has her buzzing about and eating every food that contains sugar. She says that if she doesn't have her ice cream she starts jonesing. She cracks me up. Her spirits have lifted and she has been spending more time with me and talking a lot more. I am beginning to feel at ease and more comfortable with life as we now know it. I fear to fully let my guard down as I know it will not stay like this forever. I am just thankful for the positive turn around and to have my mom back, even if it's for just a short time. A childhood friend of my sister's just found out her mom had a cancerous tumor removed and that she must now have chemo. I read all of the prayers on face book and I want to say positive things for her but I am still so unsure and un-trusting of this devastating disease. I do hope with all of my heart that the chemo helps prolong her mom's life. It is the most dark and fearful feeling to know that their is this living growing tumor inside my mom's body that I can not do anything to stop. The end we are told could be three, six, twelve months away. As I said we are five months into diagnosis. May God just grant me a little more sand in the hour glass before I am left without a parent upon this Earth.
I'm sure you've heard the phrase, " A picture is worth a thousand words". This phrase comes to mind when I look at a photo of myself from October of 2018. The photo was taken during Halloween and I had dressed as a gypsy. No offense to anyone who has a "gypsy" heritage/ancestry. Since I was young I have been fascinated by old movies featuring the typical gypsy fortune teller. And I have loved this image with all of its magic and mystique ever since. So I was so excited to dress up and hand out candy. I took a photo of my garb in all its glory. Then upon seeing this image I was instantly saddened at what appeared before my eyes. Look at this fat lady. My goodness how did I become so wide? I was horrified at my now scary costume. I have struggled on and off with weight gain since high school. I started putting on pounds in 7th grade. You can see that my face was becoming fuller in the school photos. I was a solid size 16 in ninth grade. I lost some weig...
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